Getting Down and Dirty on Thanksgiving Day!
Thursday November 23rd 2006, 9:42 am
Filed under: Holidays

Ten phrases you might hear on Thanksgiving that may put your mind in the gutter!

1. Just reach in there and grab the giblets.

2. Wow! That’s one incredible spread!

3. I am in the mood for some dark meat!

4. Tying her legs together will keep the inside nice and moist.

5. What a beautiful big breast!

6. Looks like he’s going to force his way into the end zone!

7. She’s almost 4000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 12 men to hold her down!

8. Hey everybody, it’s cool whip time!

9. If I don’t unbutton my pants, I think I’m going to burst!

10. It must be broken. When I push on the tip, nothing squirts out!

To all the visitors in the US, have a Happy Thanksgiving and enjoy the time spent with family and friends. Cheers!

- Joker



The Easter Bunny Hates You!
Wednesday April 12th 2006, 5:34 pm
Filed under: Holidays

With Easter coming up, you can expect the Easter Bunny to be out in full force. You’ve been warned! This funny short has been around a while but if you haven’t seen it, it’s worth checking out.



Trick or Treating
Sunday March 13th 2005, 8:50 pm
Filed under: Holidays,Sex Jokes

Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating is Better than Sex

10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy.

6. Its OK when the person you’re with fantasizes you’re someone else,
because you ARE someone else.

5. 40 years from now, you’ll still enjoy candy.

4. If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door.

3. Doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2. Less guilt the next morning.

AND….

1. You can do the whole neighborhood!!!



A Letter from Santa
Monday March 07th 2005, 2:11 pm
Filed under: Holidays,Redneck Jokes

From: Santa Claus

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Missouri, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.

However, I’m certain that you will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all good people; however, there are a few differences between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: “These toys insured by Smith and Wesson.”

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn’t smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus’ sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin’ coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen’s head now overlooks Bubba’s fireplace.

4. You won’t hear “On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen,” when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you’ll hear, “On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty.”

5. “Ho, Ho, Ho!” has been replaced by “Yee Haw!” And you also are likely to hear Bubba’s elves respond, “I her’d dat!”

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus’ sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words “Back Off.”

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as “Miracle on 34th Street” and “It’s a Wonderful Life” will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you’ll see “Boss Hogg Saves Christmas” and “Smokey and the Bandit IV” featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn’t wear a belt. If I were you, I’d be sure to turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus