Let Me Rephrase
Friday March 25th 2005, 7:29 pm
Filed under: On the Farm,Say What?

A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher, and says he’s sending a friend over to look at a horse.

The Horse Rancher asks. “How will I recognize him?”

“That’s easy…he’s a midget with a speech impediment.”

So the midget shows up, and the rancher asks him if he’s looking for a male or a female horse.

“A female horth.”

So he shows him a prized filly.

“Nith lookin horth, can I thee her eyeth?”

So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse’s eyes the once over.

“Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?”

So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse’s ears.

“Nice earzth, can I thee her mouf?”

The Rancher is gettin’ pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse’s mouth.

“Nice mouf, can I thee her twat?”

Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget’s head as far as he can up the horse’s pussy, pulls him out and slams him on the ground. The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.

“Perhapth I should rephrase that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdle bit?”



Dig It
Friday March 11th 2005, 6:34 pm
Filed under: Misc. Jokes,On the Farm

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love,
Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

For heaven’s sake, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I Buried the BODIES.

Love,
Bubba

At 4 A.M. the next morning, FBI agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love,
Bubba



Just One of Those Days
Monday March 07th 2005, 10:21 am
Filed under: On the Farm

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused.

A man comes in and asks the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?”

Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.

Man: So what happened that’s so horrible?

Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.

Man: Ok, but that’s not so bad.

Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.

Man: So what happened then?

Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.

Man: and then?

Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.

Man: Again?

Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.

Man: So, what did you do then?

Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.

Man: and then?

Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.

Man: Hmmm…

Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.

Man: So, what did you do?

Farmer: Well, I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in…..