Mammogram Scam
Tuesday May 30th 2006, 10:37 am
Filed under: Funny Pics

Just a friendly warning for all the ladies out there. You may see this man in the parking lot of your local mall offering free mammograms. Don’t fall for it, it’s nothing but a scam. You can’t blame a guy for tryin’ though, can you? ;)

Where’s a Lawyer When You Need One?
Monday May 29th 2006, 9:57 am
Filed under: Heaven & Hell,Lawyer Jokes

An engineer dies and ends up at the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his list and says, “Ah, I see you’re an engineer, I’m afraid you’re in the wrong place.”

So, the engineer is sent to the gates of hell and is let in. The engineer quickly became unhappy with the comfort level in hell. He started designing and building several improvements. Before long, they’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, escalators and other amenities. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the phone and asks sarcastically, “Hey there Satan, how’s it going down there in hell these days?”

Satan responds, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and that’s just a start! There’s no telling what this engineer you sent down here is going to come up with next!”

God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That must have been a mistake! He should never have gotten down there so please send him back.”

Satan says, “No way in hell! I like having an engineer down here, and I plan on keeping him.”

God says, “Send him back right now or I’ll sue.”

Satan laughs so hard he can barely reply, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to find a lawyer?”

He Was a Poet and Didn’t Know It
Saturday May 27th 2006, 10:56 am
Filed under: Redneck Jokes

A poetry contest had come down to two finalists, a Harvard graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a single word, then allowed five minutes to try to come up with a poem that contained the word they were given. This time they were given the word, “Timbuktu.”

The Harvard grad got to go first. This is his poem::

Slowly across the desert sand,
Trekked a lonely caravan,
Men on camels, two by two,
Destination Timbuktu.

The audience applauded loudly thinking there was no way the redneck would be able to come up with a better poem than the Harvard grad. The redneck scoffed, confidently strolled up to the microphone and said:

Me and Tim a huntin’ went.
Met three hoes in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two.
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

Sweet Job
Saturday May 20th 2006, 6:33 pm
Filed under: Sex Jokes

Three men were on a trip in Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 gorgeous women. The men started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik walked in.

“I am the master of all these beautiful women. No one else can touch them except for me. You three men must pay dearly for what you have done today. The three of you will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession.”

The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. “I’m a police officer”, says the first man. “Then we will shoot your penis off!”, said the sheik.

He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. “I’m a firemen”, said the second man. “Then we shall burn your penis off!”, said the sheik.

Finally, he asked the last man, “And you, what do you do for a living?” The third man answered, with an ear to ear grin, “I’m a lollipop salesman!”

Melts In Your Mouth
Friday May 19th 2006, 11:10 am
Filed under: Golden Years

A tour bus driver is driving with a load of seniors down the highway when he is tapped on the shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts which he gratefully accepts and proceeds to eat. After a few minutes, she taps him on the shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. The little old lady repeats this gesture about three more times. When she is about to hand him another batch, he asks the little old lady, ” Why don’t you eat the peanuts yourself?”

“We can’t chew the peanuts because we’ve no teeth,” was her reply.

The confused driver asks, “Why do you buy them then?”

The little old lady replied, “We just love the chocolate coating!”