Day 542: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal that has the consistency of rocks. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I will eat another houseplant.

Day 546: Today my attempt to kill my humans by weaving around their feet while they were walking was almost successful. I must try this tactic at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse my vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. The bed will be next.

Day 550: I decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only condescended about what a good little cat I was. This is obviously not working according to plan

Day 558: I slept all day so that I could awake my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at all hours of the night.

Day 562: I am finally aware of how sadistic they really are. For no good reason I was subjected to water torture. This time however it included a burning, foul smelling chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

Day 570: There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer.” More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of “allergies”. I must learn what this “allergies” power is and how to use it to my advantage.

Day 575: I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and are most likely informants for the humans. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be a snitch. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports on my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured, for now. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.