A guy gets home late one night and his wife says, “Where the hell have you been? ”

“I was out getting a tattoo.”

“A tattoo? What kind of tattoo did you get? ”

“I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis.”

“What the hell were you thinking? Why did you get a hundred dollar bill on your penis?”

“Well, number one, I like to watch my money grow . . .

Number two, once in a while, I like to play with my money . . .

Third, I like how money feels in my hand. . .

And lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want !!!”